upsidedown charlotte

update five:

new year... new priorities

I took myself off to Rangiora Races this weekend... the jockeys dont sit on the horses but behind them in strange buggy contraption things... all very odd!

WELCOME BACK TO WORK!!! (BOO!) just hope the District Line is working for those of you who that matters for on a Monday Morning!!

Im going to rather cheekily kick off this time with a couple of prayer requests for those of you praying for me......

Prayer request 1) update on Jessica ....... Chris, the lady who runs the childrens choir called me the other day and asked if I would be free to help her take out a few of the girls from the choir for a day (to get them off their parents hands as it is the long summer hols here!!) now that was a complete answer to prayer as I had been thinking a lot about Jessica and how I would love to get to know her more and encourage her but felt I wasn't in a position to as didnt know her parents at all etc etc so could hardly turn up as a random (& foreign!) stranger on their doorstep and ask to if I could take her out! Anyway so now I get the chance to! hurray! please pray that it does all work out so we can take them out for a day trip.... it would be so fab to get the chance to spend some time with her and the other girls, a lot of whom also come from difficult backgrounds......to begin to develop a real friendship and trust so I can truely get alongside her. God really has given me such a heart for her (Ouch!)

Jessica came bounding up to me at one of the pageant rehearsals before Christmas, seemingly really pleased to see me after my trip away which was nice...... I was having a rotten day feeling VERY sorry for myself (I have mastered that particular art to perfection!) she sat by me all through rehearsals and at one point turned to me and said bluntly 'You smell just like my mum who's been dead for two years.' This threw me into silent but total panic that my personal hygiene habits needed a more than radical overhaul.. ) however panic swiftly abated as she then went on to ask what perfume I wore (phew!) Anyway it led into me being able to chat to her about her family....so Im really glad I smell like her dead mum.

Prayer request 2) a job!!!! (still!) its just not happening! I have decided to concentrate on the Rangiora area (I have a heart for the place now!- that in itself is surely a modern day miracle!) but it really limits me.. My CV doesnt really qualify me for a future in dairy farming or irrigation or the like! God's going to have to pull something out of the bag here!!! There is SO much to do at the church and that is my first priority but its a voluntary role and to enable me to get lots done there Im going to have to get a local job. Andrew and Christine are being massively generous in their hospitality here but I would love to be able to give them a little rent (for my own sake as well as theirs!). Anyway, I knew when I came that I was not coming to make my fortune(!) and that God knows what i need here and He WILL provide if this is where I am meant to be! From past experience it's often been eleventh hour stuff anyway!

That's been one of the best bits about stepping out of my comfort zone... waiting to see how God is going to get us out of THIS one.. a bit like a scene from a James Bond Movie when you KNOW that Bond ("Oh James"!) is going to end up on a boat with a lovely lady sailing off into the sunset but current circumstances , as hes backed into a corner, perhaps suggest otherwise!

It was scary going from having a regular wage and (whilst never being rich!) not having to think or worry about the rent or giving a thought to buying a coffee or newspaper etc, as money was due in the bank month in month out.

Since July (my last paycheck!) I HAVE been provided for incredibly, its come from anonymous or other gifts or rebates from previous bills. One example.... The day after I quit my job back in May I booked a MUCH needed holiday costing 150pounds (no pound sign on NZ keyboards!) with my brother. I really hesitated before quitting my job that particular day (as we were planning to book this holiday!) and subsequently then on booking the holiday (as I had just quit my job!) then the very next day I get a cheque from someone I had done a tiny bit of voluntary work for (my cost for that had totalled about 20pounds) the enclosed letter said the cheque was to cover costs and a 'little bit' extra... the total...?? 150pounds!!!!

The night before I gave up my job I was in bed feeling awful about life and just crying out to God asking him why wasnt He doing anything.... the answer came.... ' I WANT to do things but you have to make the first move...' (hence the quitting the job thing which was long overdue but was my comfort zone). Since then the holiday money story has been repeated (in slightly different ways) over and over again, a cheque dropped though my parents letterbox for me to use "as you feel God leads you", (after a good cry about how wonderful it was, that went on my NZ visa!) , someone giving me a leaving gift which went on my digital camera, one of my most favourite possessions that gives me so much pleasure(and without which I fear my blog would be rather dull!).... I also got a rebate on my London house bills the very day I had to pay my travel insurance.. guess what? the cheque was for the exact amount of the insurance!! I could go on and on....

these are merely financial examples... the point is not that I dont ever need to work again as God keeps giving me free money... though if thats your will Lord then I completely and humbly submit to it ;) ... but rather that it wasnt until I got to the end of myself (I was trying to cling onto my 'safe life' however miserable- but simply could stand it no longer) that He was able to begin blessing me so outrageously! ("Wake up O sleeper and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you :Ephesians 5:14- that verse came to me time and time again when I was in London feeling that life had reached a complete dead end)

I made the decision before Christmas to stay here for now (incidently the same day my friend rachel did her bungee jump so that evening in Queenstown we celebrated taking the plunge in more ways than one!) and so cancelled my return ticket.. so really feel I want to give this a go. -that this is where I should be.

Waking up on Boxing Day it was like I had turned a corner and whilst circumstances havent changed I have perhaps come to a recognition that there is a vast element of choice as to how I approach this and in response, my choice is to roll up my sleeves and get stuck in! Whilst being here almost feels like Im putting my life on hold in so many areas (career, marriage potential!) etc etc, I am also experiencing a sense of freedom and 'joy' that I never have had before, I think that comes from simply being where I'm called to be for now.

It's dancing with Him but not knowing the next step so He leads and I simply have to submit and follow and its exhillarating but also scary and not necessarily as glamourous as Strictly Come Dancing! but I wouldnt have it any other way, to go back to how I was living before would be a deadening blow to my soul. (I dont want to be sitting on the sidelines wistfully watching others dance!)

I've had a few thoughts and dreams about initiatives I could get going here but thats all they are at the mo, there is just SO much to do but I need to offer them to God and see if He agrees! We'll see.

What I do know is that whilst Im lonely here its a different type of loneliness than I was experiencing in London- its not a miserable loneliness...hanging over me even though I was surrounded by people and friends... more merely circumstantial - just a case of not having anyone to hang out with and share stuff with. Nothing more than that!

Ive actually started talking to the cats....which is perhaps a bit premature given my age but good preparation for my future potential career as a crazy spinster! I think I need some friends and quickly, problem is the lack of people here my age and unmarried so I can make friends to a point but no one that I can call up and hang out with...and no one that calls me as first port of call... Im coping possibly because Im quite a loner at heart and can do stuff on my own and I have been, but there are limits! Also, being female I have to be sensible about what I can do... ie no overnight tramping/camping on my own which I would love to do... Its frustrating!

anyway, this weekend was quite exciting for whilst I won nothing at the races I made a new friend! Alexandrea is a cousin of Steph King (for those of you not from Camberley, Steph is a lovely lady from my family church in Camberley!), Steph put us in touch after realising I was moving to the exact same random part of the world that Alexandrea had moved to a few months before from California along with her husband Paul and young daughter Gwendoline.....

We had coffee on Saturday morning (pic taken on self timer so forgive the rather fixed facial expressions!) and it was really fun! Gwendoline (3) very solomnly asked me where all my friends were... I told her that that's something Ive been asking myself a lot recently(!) but that I was enjoying the chance to make new ones with her and her mum!! They were completely lovely and am very much looking forward to meeting up with her and her husband Paul again soon!!

Anyway that's enough news for now Im sure! speaking of news... there was a piece on tonight's bulletin about Prince William starting at Sandhurst... they showed a few pics.... very strange to see a familiar Camberley landmark in my lounge thousands of miles from home!!

lots of love!